I went out on a date a couple weeks ago with a guy I met at work. He was a customer who asked me out. A very cute customer might I add. I was really excited when he texted me and eventually asked me when I was free. I made plans with him to meet up in a few days. It was the first time in a while I’d been this excited for a date.
At the same time there was a guy I had been seeing for a couple months. Super nice guy but I wasn’t really enjoying getting to know him. We went on some really cool dates but I wasn’t feeling a connection on any level really, mentally, physically or emotionally. I didn’t really feel attracted to him and we didn’t have great conversations. Maybe emotional sorta, we wanted some of the same things like a long term loving relationship and were open to the emotions that come with that …. but that’s not enough. I’m talking about when you feel like that person understands you and you just feel good or excited when you are around them, even though they piss you off a little sometimes. Plus you feel a sense of security and stability with them because you trust them and want the same things.
So with the new guy I met, I instantly felt a physical connection. I thought he was attractive and I didn’t mind when he played a game to get to touch my hand or when he touched my arm. I really enjoyed our hug at the end of our first date and was totally willing to kiss him. We didn’t though, but he texted me a couple days later for another date. On that date we just walked and talked and got to know each other. I felt a bit of a mental connection to him because it seemed like we had a lot in common and both had similar values.
Then I asked him if he was looking for a relationship and he said he just got out of a long term relationship, and isn’t looking for one…. but, if a great girl comes along who knows what will happen. He basically said, ‘I don’t want a relationship right now, I’m dating around at the moment.’ So much for the emotional connection. I might get some of it like the intimacy but none of the stability and probably not much trust.
Why is it so hard to find the full package? One guy is ready to commit to me and was talking about planning trips 3 months down the road, but there was not physical or mental connection. The other guy is great when we are together, but will randomly text me asking me to hang out or see if I want to “watch a movie” at his house. He hasn’t even taken me on a real date yet, walking the beach is great, but it’s also an easy way to have a free date.
I ended up breaking it off with the nice guy who was ready to commit. I told him I wasn’t feeling it after two months of dating. I felt bad, also questioned if maybe I ended it too soon, but at the same time I was looking forward to the dates more than the person. I wanted to hang out with him for the activity we were doing more so than for seeing him. I realized I was semi using him and he told me he really liked me and was starting to plan a future, so I broke it off before he got too invested. I feel kinda bad, but also not really.
With the other guy, he’s probably dating like five other girls so I haven’t hung out with him in over a week. He barely texts me, I texted him a few times but he’d take all day to respond. So either he’s just not that into me or he’s dating someone else. Either way, it’s okay. I’m going to hold out for the person who makes me feel all three connections. I’m sure he’s going to be worth the wait.
Do you look for all three connections when it comes to dating?